Who’s big now!

See! I told you! I half forgot about this bloody thing. But i also told you that I really want to keep writing in it, so I’m going to start writing in it. But it just sucks because I know I’m going to talk about nothing has happened to me since my last entry, and I know that it is usually all that I will ever say, ever. But what sucks even MORE then all of that is the fact that it is just a blatant lie. In any given day someone can come up with fifty million things to write about, and yet in a few days I can not think of one? I guess I just live for the moment, but to the extreme. The second I walk away from a situation it’s a thing of the past. I could get robbed, yet still have nothing to talk about in this thing. I really just want to know why because I hate that trait. If a kid is expected (or wants) to write, how is it possible if he simply drifts through his day, and is stuck with a blank head at the end of the night. And shit, even if something does happen my head simply races instead. Ok, so if it’s not the living for the moment, or the drifting through my day, I guess it is possible that nothing excites me anymore. I guess I just simply do not want to write about my day, because it IS the same thing everyday. Maybe all the pizazz is gone. Shucks…

Regardless of why my life seems so bland and repetitive, here is what I did all day. A majority of it was consumed by sleeping, which for me is not a surprise. I fell asleep and 5:30, and woke up at 5:30. Seems insane right? Well that’s summer, totally fucks up my sleep cycle. But the only reason I slept that late was because I had been up for a good 36 hours. I did not want to set an alarm so I just let myself sleep in. And now once again here I am until 5:30, what the fuck. After that I forced Dani to drive far as shit to get to Red Robin so we could eat. Haha, sorry about that! ‘Twas delicious nonetheless. After Red Robin it was back to her house for some good ol’ Super Monkey Ball and Airplane. She’s something else, let me tell ya.

I remember in my post about the lady and the car accident, I received a comment from someone telling me to check out Stoicism. Believe it or not, I did! And if he someone manages to read this blog again, he’ll know. But on to why I bring it up. I did like the concept of it, and I do suggest that everybody go check it out. But sadly enough, my fear of dying (murder to be super precise) just completely trumps it. Sure I can look past a petty little car accident, but the second I hear news of a human being having the mindset to single handedly END ANOTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIFE I once again lose all faith in society. How, how is that shit done. How can you walk up to someone and kill them. How can you purposely end someone’s existence, cut them short of their dreams. I can not fathom the kind of thoughts that can go through such a person’s head, it sickens me. Knowing that there are sickos out there that are willing to implant a bullet into my freshly carved brain makes me terrified, and I really do not want to be terrified. I would love to be able to walk to a Wawa without looking behind me every three seconds. I for one can not hit a person, and to imagine myself murdering somebody makes me shiver. If you are a murderer and read this blog, could you tell me.

Yes I know, I am afraid of dying. Sue me! I do not want to leave the people I know early, especially without getting the chance to say bye. Maybe when I’m an old man I will be able to come to terms with death, but until then I absolutely enjoy my time on earth (and so should you). A majority of my pseudo-phobias stem from situations where I can die. I hate sitting in a car with a speedy driver, because I know there is a chance I can die. I hate being in high places, because I know that I can die. Claustrophobia plays a part in this too. It’s weird really, but it all just freaks me out. Even on top of the Space Needle, which has stood for decades and is incredibly secure, all I could think about was that thing taking a tumble. Oh yeah, fuck ladders!

Well, it is kind of super late now, and chances are when I attempt to sneak up the stairs I’m going to wake my mom up. Because of this she will wake me up at a stupid early hour and give me a speech on preparing me to be tired later on that night…right. I just rolled my eyes.

“Everyone learns faster on fire”
- Alkaline trio